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Grand Master Fat Badgers Billious & PetrosThe Fat Badgers

Forbes TartanWho are the Fat Badgers ? They are a happy team, who after recommendation of an inn will pay a visit to check out the characteristics and 'Badge' the establishment for inclusion in the guide. All our Fat Badgers originate from the 'Forbes' clan - an ancient order of Badgers who's sett, located in Badger Lane, Badger (You think it doesn't exist don't you ? ) has been established for over three centuries. Over the years various Badgers have moved on to new territories to sniff out the best eating and drinking establishments. Each Fat Badger brings his or her own special abilities to the clan apart from Grumpy Old Badger, but all have a special interest in finding good inns, pubs, hotels and restaurants in the United Kingdom that are worth recommending to others. We like inns of character, good food and most are partial to a good pint of traditional British Ale. And the occasional Worm. You Fat BadgerDespite being Fat, the Fat Badgers are a very sporty bunch and all are particularly partial to good old British sports - Football, Rugby, Golf and Skiing are favoured by most Fat Badgers. Before you write to complain - Skiing is a British sport, true - we weren't the first to strap planks to our feet to go and collect firewood but in 1903, an Englishman Fat Badger Henry Lunn organised the first skiing race and his son Fat Badger Arnold Lunn, organised the first World Championships in Murren, Switzerland in 1931. Many of the Fat Badgers still ski together each year and if you wanted to join them you can check out their website on www.rotaski.co.uk

The Fat Badgers Clan are all ruled by Grand Master Fat Badgers - Billious & Petros, two Russian Fat Badgers who are always Russian around the UK looking to buy sett's and redevelop them into plush new setts with wall to wall bedding. The Grand Master Badgers have had all their knees replaced after years of abuse but both can still kick a football at over twelve miles an hour. Grand Master Petros had trials with Aston Villa but was found not guilty.

GOB - Grumpy Old Badger is an old crumbly Badger who does nothing but sit at the end of the Bar telling everybody how this country should be run. He never goes and inspects any inns as he gets sidetracked with telling the Publican that he should have brought a British made car and should be flying the Union Flag outside the pub. GOB will only drink the strongest ale on the menu and despite continual supping, rarely gets drunk as his body is made up of 60% alcohol, 10% water and 30% bones and fur and stuff. He has his own page on this site but it's purely his views and not the rest of the Fat Badgers.

The Fat Badger Inspectors

Fat Badger Dave Reeny covers the Lake District and Northumberland. Badger Dave has run a successful country inn for 11 years and attributes the success to the wide and varied range of hairstyles he has sported over the years. Badger Dave is a Carlisle United supporter and once had trials for - his own pub team. He was kicked out after 15 minutes.

Fat Badger Paul Hathaway covers Scotland and indeed most of the UK as Paul is a specialist in sniffing out good pubs from John 'O' Groats to Land's End and some bits in between. Badger Paul has yet to meet any other Fat Badgers as he lives on Rockall and when he's not fighting off Puffins he commutes over to the Isle of Islay where he helps out with care in the community - He makes Beer for everybody. Badger Paul doesn't really like football as he is a referee and Reading supporter but we don't hold that against him. Fat Badger Paul is a font of all knowledge and his dog knows the Pope.

Fat Badger Andy on a Friday Afternoon Fat Badger Andy Stakes covers North & West Yorkshire. Badger Andy is an expert in alcohol. He's happy to try the lager, bitter, wines or spirits. His favourite tipple at the moment is Guinness but he's happy with meths if he's drunk everything else. He is our buildings expert and believes that straight walls are the current fashion. Badger Andy follows Bradford City although he is much more at home watching the Bradford Bulls Rugby League team.

Fat Badger Roy - On his Feet for a Change Fat Badger Roy Taylor covers Lancashire. Badger Roy is an expert in anything mechanical but also has a passion for pyrotechnics. He has a little finger that has a mind of it's own and which was once seen in a bar in Italy drinking a glass of Amaretto. Like many of the Fat Badgers, Badger Roy spends a small amount of his spare time on skis and most of his spare time, flat on his back. Badger Roy is a staunch Manchester City fan, he even sleeps with his Manchester City woolly hat on.

Fat Badger Andy Perry covers Mid Wales. Badger Pezza is our only Badger that can sing and play guitar at the same time - actually we can all do it but the rest of us sound dreadful. Badger Pezza is a real ale fan and appreciates a decent pint of Old Tart. He is an avid fan of Wolverhampton Wanderers and became very happy when 'the Wolves' finally got promoted to the Premiership, so happy in fact that he nearly put his pint down. Badger Pezza has taken over Badger Ade's territory as Badger Ade's tunnelling appears to be too successful, he seems to have surfaced somewhere in Yorkshire.

Badger DJ Fat Badger Dave Poulton covers Shropshire and North Wales. Badger DJ has been known on many occasions to invade the setts of other Fat Badgers and attempt to consume their food and drink. He is a financial genius which can result in landlords paying him to eat their food and drink their ales. Badger DJ likes old relics and is a West Bromwich Albion supporter. He travels to home games on an old steamroller and to the occasional away game on a 1932 double decker bus.

Fat Badger David Elliott covers Derbyshire. Badger David is a professional pub goer who first went to a British inn when he was out on a date with Boadicea . He is the only Fat Badger who knows exactly how to programme a video recorder and he also knows which part of the sky you need to point a satellite dish at, to get the Caravan channel. Fat Badgers are not overly keen on heights, so it's a bit surprising that Badger David enjoys Hang Gliding as a sport, although he uses a very small Glider and hangs so far beneath it that he can actually keep his feet on the ground. If he had to support a football team, it would be Derby County, as Brian Clough taught him all he knows about how to drink cask ales.

Fat Badger Helen Beazley covers South Wales. Badger Helen is a feisty badger who ruthlessly moves from sett to sett consuming everything in her path as long as it's only plant life. She once nested in the House of Commons for a few years and then moved into a rural sett to raise cubs. Badger Helen doesn't understand football, but she does know what a Mashie Niblick is.

Fat Badger Kilo Fat Badger Andy Keeling covers Oxfordshire and Warwickshire. Badger Kilo is a nomad Badger who aimlessly wanders around picking up titbits. He is probably the only Badger in the country who has nested inside a computer. He used to design pubs and inns and then went onto run a pub which served the best earthworms in the midlands. Badger Kilo is a passionate Stoke City supporter who also regularly attends games of the Bradford Bulls Rugby League team. He has been known to also visit Aggborough, Home of Kidderminster Harriers although some believe it's just for the 'Aggy Soup'.

Fat Badger Gary Thorley covers Staffordshire. Badger Gary is a graphic designer specialising in cartoons of small fury woodland creatures such as the North Staffordshire Hippopotamus. In his spare time he enjoys studying the tread on car tyres. Badger Gary is a regular visitor to the Britannia Stadium to watch his beloved Stoke City although he was nearly banned for drawing lots of sets of goalposts to try and confuse the opposition's strikers.

Fat Badger Ian Working ? Fat Badger Ian Anderson covers Leicestershire, Cambridgeshire and Northamptonshire. Badger Ian came from a litter of twelve and is therefore an expert in fighting for scraps of food. His tolerance to alcohol is low as it was always difficult to get much from his older siblings, but when he does he transforms into the most amazing disco dancing Badger. Badger Ian is probably the only Badger in the UK who can do the splits with all four legs and is to date - the only fire eating Badger in the World. Badger Ian doesn't play football because he wears his new skis all the time, but if he did, he'd play for Northampton Town. He says he's much happier hitting a dead budgie over a net with a racket - you'd think that dead budgie's would make very little noise wouldn't you ?

Fat Badger William Sergeant covers Lincolnshire and Norfolk. Badger Bill is just a youngster but already has a lifetimes experience of testing non alcoholic drinks. He lives on rainwater from puddles and is the UK's only moped riding Badger. He supports Lincoln City and always takes two oranges to the game - but never eats them.

Fat Badger Brett Prestige is a roving Badger. He doesn't have a territory to look after as he covers the whole of the United Kingdom on his travels as the resident Fat Badger photographer. Badger Brett spends much of his time photographing Fat Badgers getting married - or he would if any of the Fat Badgers could afford him. When he's not sniffing around graveyards, he goes truffle hunting up mountains which is why he always comes home with some nice photos. He's partial to the odd pint of real ale and to many of the even one's as well.

Fat Badger Geoff Earnshaw covers Gloucestershire. Badger Geoff is an expert in all things related to the successful running of a good inn with a past history in specialist pub ownership. Geoff's former inns all provided exclusive accommodation for Badgers and Foxes that could play the Oboe. Badger Geoff takes a passing interest in the fortunes of Tottenham Hotspur but his greatest sporting achievements are as an egg chaser. He played Rugby Union and was later chairman for one of the countries leading teams. He now supports Gloucester - 'the Cherry & Whites'.

Fat Badger Ian Fat Badger Ian Reynolds covers Hereford. Badger Reno is a very productive Badger, he's fathered numerous litters of little critters and keeps travelling away to find new territories but is always drawn back to his own sett. He used to work with the Ministry of Agriculture until they wiped out many of his relatives. Badger Reno is a Torquay United fan although he hasn't yet extended the southern tunnel in his sett, so he sometimes pays a visit to Wolverhampton Wanderers, Stoke City or Kidderminster Harriers.

Badger Ade Keeping Up with King Badger Fat Badger Adrian Mills covers South Yorkshire. Badger Ade is a big concert being held at Wembley stadium to raise money for hungry Badgers. Badger Ade is also one of the slimmest of the Fat Badgers but then time will tell. He once tried to drink as much ale as Old Fat Badger Kilo and fell over. He's now back on his feet and produces all sorts of literature for inns and pubs. Badger Ade supports Wolverhampton Wanderers but only because his teeth are the same colour as their shirts.

Fat Badger Brian Dufty covers Somerset and Wiltshire. Badger Brian is an albino badger, although he's completely grey rather than white. He spent many years in pubs in the midlands and then migrated south for the winter but found that he liked the warmer temperature and stayed migrated. He spends his time sniffing out inns with good ale and if he can't find any, he goes looking for Badgerettes. Badger Brian will visit any football ground in the country, if there's a lady Badger going.

Fat Badger Jenny Bromley covers Devon. Badger Jenny is a busy Badger who has many strings to her bow. Apart from being a sporty Badger, playing hockey & cricket, she is a qualified chef and hotel manager and can juggle eggs whilst riding a unicycle.

Fat Badger Barry Lydd covers Dorset and the Isle of Wight. Badger Bazza ran a successful fish restaurant on the south coast for 16 years but retired when he realised Badgers don't actually like fish. He is now waiting for a place in the local Badgers Home where he is expecting to get free PG tips for the rest of his life. Badger Bazza has visited the Dell, home to Southampton, although he's much happier burrowing in bunkers on golf courses.

Fat Badger Steve Powell covers Surrey and Kent. Badger Steve spends many hours working on his physique. He constantly explores the hard shoulder of many motorways and is particularly fond of the grubs he finds on the M40. He used to sell vacuum cleaners to voles and fieldmice but moved further south where it was a little otter. Badger Steve is a Manchester United fan which is why he covers Surrey and Kent. He owns a piece of Old Trafford turf and employs a team of specialist Ants to look after it.Fat Badger Cath Sailing Forward to the Past.

covers Cornwall. Badger Andrew, known by the Grand Master Badgers as 'Zippy Badger' is an artist in both senses of the word. He is the only Badger who has ever lived in a brewery so he knows exactly what goes on at night when the weevils play 'hide the penny' in the Mash Tun. Badger Andrew supports Aston Vanilla - the team that everybody licks although he now spends his time building oak boats which he hopes to sail around the world or at least up Restronguet Creek to Feock, so he has to watch Truro City now. 

Fat Badger Kathy Mitchell covers London. Badger Kathy is a foreign Badger. She was born to a litter of 23 in New Zealand where Badgers can have up to 38 offspring. They have 5 legs and communicate by the power of thought. Badger Kathy (pronounced Kate in New Zealand) is a qualified hotel manager and has run numerous successful companies. She doesn't understand the offside rules of football but doesn't care because she is much happier watching the All Blacks play rugby.

Fat Badger Cath Healy covers Berkshire, Hampshire and Sussex. Badger Cathy is a marketing Badger, she helped to set up the South African Lottery with help from a hummingbird from Capetown. She has attended F.A. Cup finals and supports whichever team has the most comfortable shirts and the nicest bottoms. She is qualified to handle an ocean going dinghy although she does read the charts upside down.

Fat Badger Andy Bates covers Buckinghamshire, Hertfordshire and Essex. Badger Buttle was born in Essex and is our Steak expert. He has tasted every possible recipe known to Badger including raw. He has recently taken to trying lettuce - also raw but prefers it with an au poivre sauce. Badger Buttle is an Ipswich Town fan and still wears the shirt and scarf he wore for their F.A. Cup win in 1978 although the scarf is a little tatty now from blowing in the wind when he has the top down on his MGF.

Don't mess with the BadgerThe Fat Badgers Guide to Quality Inns unlike some other Internet pub guides, are NOT run by a fifteen year old from a bedroom. The Fat Badgers travel the UK and take all our own photographs unless a publican has asked us to use theirs. We do not violate the copyright of others and we get very upset when other guides steal our photos.
Please take note Ian - we are watching you ! and we know where you live - and our dad is bigger than your dad... (Update..Ian's site has gone belly up - ha ha - presumably he stole somebody else's photos who have been round to sort him out !)

For information on Meles Meles - the European (Slim) Badger click the Glass

Badgers The Woolpack @ Emmerdale