The Fat Badgers
Who are the Fat Badgers ? They
are a happy team, who after recommendation of an inn will pay a visit to check out the
characteristics and 'Badge' the establishment for inclusion in the guide. All our Fat
Badgers originate from the 'Forbes' clan - an ancient order of Badgers who's sett, located
in Badger Lane, Badger (You think it doesn't exist don't you ? ) has been established for
over three centuries. Over the years various Badgers have moved on to new territories to
sniff out the best eating and drinking establishments. Each Fat Badger brings his or
her own special abilities to the clan apart from Grumpy Old
Badger, but all have a special interest in finding good inns, pubs, hotels and
restaurants in the United Kingdom that are worth recommending to others. We like inns of
character, good food and most are partial to a good pint of traditional British Ale. And
the occasional Worm. Despite
being Fat, the Fat Badgers are a very sporty bunch and all are particularly partial to
good old British sports - Football, Rugby, Golf and Skiing
are favoured by most Fat Badgers. Before you write to complain - Skiing is a British
sport, true - we weren't the first to strap planks to our feet to go and collect firewood
but in 1903, an Englishman Fat Badger Henry Lunn organised the first skiing race and his
son Fat Badger Arnold Lunn, organised the first World Championships in Murren, Switzerland
in 1931. Many of the Fat Badgers still ski together each year and if you wanted to join
them you can check out their website on www.rotaski.co.uk
Badgers Clan are all ruled by Grand Master Fat Badgers -
Russian Fat Badgers who are always Russian around the UK looking to buy sett's and
redevelop them into plush new setts with wall to wall bedding. The Grand Master Badgers
have had all their knees replaced after years of abuse but both can still kick a football
at over twelve miles an hour. Grand Master Petros had trials with Aston Villa but was
found not guilty.
Grumpy Old Badger is an old crumbly Badger who does nothing but sit at the end of the Bar
telling everybody how this country should be run. He never goes and inspects any inns as
he gets sidetracked with telling the Publican that he should have brought a British made
car and should be flying the Union Flag outside the pub. GOB will only drink the strongest
ale on the menu and despite continual supping, rarely gets drunk as his body is made up of
60% alcohol, 10% water and 30% bones and fur and stuff. He has his own page on this site but it's purely his views and not the
rest of the Fat Badgers.
The Fat Badger Inspectors
Dave Reeny covers the Lake District and Northumberland.
Badger Dave has run a successful country inn for 11 years and attributes the success to the
wide and varied range of hairstyles he has sported over the years. Badger Dave is a
Carlisle United supporter and once had trials for - his own pub team. He was kicked out
after 15 minutes.
Paul Hathaway covers Scotland and indeed most of the UK as Paul
is a specialist in sniffing out good pubs from John 'O' Groats to Land's
End and some bits in between.
Badger Paul has yet to meet any other Fat Badgers as he lives on Rockall and
when he's not fighting off Puffins he commutes over to the Isle of Islay
where he helps out with care in the community - He makes Beer for
everybody. Badger Paul doesn't really like football as he is a referee and
Reading supporter but we don't hold that against him. Fat Badger Paul is a
font of all knowledge and his dog knows the Pope.
Fat Badger Andy Stakes covers
North & West Yorkshire. Badger Andy is an
expert in alcohol. He's happy to try the lager, bitter, wines or spirits. His favourite
tipple at the moment is Guinness but he's happy with meths if he's drunk everything else.
He is our buildings expert and believes that straight walls are the current fashion.
Badger Andy follows Bradford City although he is much more at home watching the Bradford
Bulls Rugby League team.
Roy Taylor covers Lancashire. Badger Roy is an expert
in anything mechanical but also has a passion for pyrotechnics. He has a little finger
that has a mind of it's own and which was once seen in a bar in Italy drinking a glass of
Amaretto. Like many of the Fat Badgers, Badger Roy spends a small amount of his spare time
on skis and most of his spare time, flat on his back. Badger Roy is a staunch Manchester
City fan, he even sleeps with his Manchester City woolly hat on.
Andy Perry covers Mid Wales.
Badger Pezza is our only Badger that can sing and play guitar at the same
time - actually we can all do it but the rest of us sound dreadful. Badger
Pezza is a real ale fan and appreciates a decent pint of Old Tart. He is an
avid fan of Wolverhampton Wanderers and became very happy when 'the Wolves'
finally got promoted to the Premiership, so happy in fact that he nearly put
his pint down. Badger Pezza has taken over Badger Ade's territory as Badger
Ade's tunnelling appears to be too successful, he seems to have surfaced
somewhere in Yorkshire.
Dave Poulton covers Shropshire and North Wales. Badger DJ has been known on many
occasions to invade the setts of other Fat Badgers and attempt to consume their food and
drink. He is a financial genius which can result in landlords paying him to eat their food
and drink their ales. Badger DJ likes old relics and is a West Bromwich Albion supporter.
He travels to home games on an old steamroller and to the occasional away game on a 1932
double decker bus.
David Elliott covers Derbyshire. Badger David is a
professional pub goer who first went to a British inn when he was out on a date with
Boadicea . He is the only Fat Badger who knows exactly how to programme a video recorder
and he also knows which part of the sky you need to point a satellite dish at, to get the
Caravan channel. Fat Badgers are not overly keen on heights, so it's a bit surprising that
Badger David enjoys Hang Gliding as a sport, although he uses a very small Glider and
hangs so far beneath it that he can actually keep his feet on the ground. If he had to
support a football team, it would be Derby County, as Brian Clough taught him all he knows
about how to drink cask ales.
Helen Beazley covers South Wales. Badger Helen is a
feisty badger who ruthlessly moves from sett to sett consuming everything in her path as
long as it's only plant life. She once nested in the House of Commons for a few years and
then moved into a rural sett to raise cubs. Badger Helen doesn't understand football, but
she does know what a Mashie Niblick is.
Fat Badger Andy Keeling
covers Oxfordshire and Warwickshire. Badger Kilo is a nomad Badger who aimlessly wanders
around picking up titbits. He is probably the only Badger in the country who has nested
inside a computer. He used to design pubs and inns and then went onto run a pub which
served the best earthworms in the midlands. Badger Kilo is a passionate Stoke City
supporter who also regularly attends games of the Bradford Bulls Rugby League team. He has
been known to also visit Aggborough, Home of Kidderminster Harriers although some believe
it's just for the 'Aggy Soup'.
Gary Thorley covers Staffordshire. Badger Gary is a graphic designer
specialising in cartoons of small fury woodland creatures such as the North Staffordshire
Hippopotamus. In his spare time he enjoys studying the tread on car tyres. Badger Gary is
a regular visitor to the Britannia Stadium to watch his beloved Stoke City although he was
nearly banned for drawing lots of sets of goalposts to try and confuse the opposition's
Ian Anderson covers Leicestershire, Cambridgeshire and
Northamptonshire. Badger Ian came from a litter of twelve and is therefore an expert in
fighting for scraps of food. His tolerance to alcohol is low as it was always difficult to
get much from his older siblings, but when he does he transforms into the most amazing
disco dancing Badger. Badger Ian is probably the only Badger in the UK who can do the
splits with all four legs and is to date - the only fire eating Badger in the World.
Badger Ian doesn't play football because he wears his new skis all the time, but if he
did, he'd play for Northampton Town. He says he's much happier hitting a dead budgie over
a net with a racket - you'd think that dead budgie's would make very little noise wouldn't
William Sergeant covers Lincolnshire and Norfolk.
Badger Bill is just a youngster but already has a lifetimes experience of testing non
alcoholic drinks. He lives on rainwater from puddles and is the UK's only moped riding
Badger. He supports Lincoln City and always takes two oranges to the game - but never eats
Brett Prestige is a roving Badger. He doesn't have a territory to
look after as he covers the whole of the United Kingdom on his travels as
the resident Fat Badger photographer. Badger Brett spends much of his time
photographing Fat Badgers getting married - or he would if any of the Fat
Badgers could afford him. When he's not sniffing around graveyards, he goes
truffle hunting up mountains which is why he always comes home with some
nice photos. He's partial to the odd pint of real ale and to many of the
even one's as well.
Geoff Earnshaw covers Gloucestershire. Badger Geoff is
an expert in all things related to the successful running of a good inn with a past
history in specialist pub ownership. Geoff's former inns all provided exclusive
accommodation for Badgers and Foxes that could play the Oboe. Badger Geoff takes a passing
interest in the fortunes of Tottenham Hotspur but his greatest sporting achievements are
as an egg chaser. He played Rugby Union and was later chairman for one of the countries
leading teams. He now supports Gloucester - 'the Cherry & Whites'.
Fat Badger Ian Reynolds covers
Hereford. Badger Reno is a very productive Badger, he's fathered numerous litters of
little critters and keeps travelling away to find new territories but is always drawn back
to his own sett. He used to work with the Ministry of Agriculture until they wiped out
many of his relatives. Badger Reno is a Torquay United fan although he hasn't yet extended
the southern tunnel in his sett, so he sometimes pays a visit to Wolverhampton Wanderers,
Stoke City or Kidderminster Harriers.
Adrian Mills covers South Yorkshire. Badger Ade is a big
concert being held at Wembley stadium to raise money for hungry Badgers. Badger Ade is
also one of the slimmest of the Fat Badgers but then time will tell. He once tried to
drink as much ale as Old Fat Badger Kilo and fell over. He's now back on his feet and
produces all sorts of literature for inns and pubs. Badger Ade supports Wolverhampton
Wanderers but only because his teeth are the same colour as their shirts.
Brian Dufty covers Somerset and Wiltshire. Badger Brian
is an albino badger, although he's completely grey rather than white. He spent many years
in pubs in the midlands and then migrated south for the winter but found that he liked the
warmer temperature and stayed migrated. He spends his time sniffing out inns with good ale
and if he can't find any, he goes looking for Badgerettes. Badger Brian will visit any
football ground in the country, if there's a lady Badger going.
Jenny Bromley covers Devon. Badger Jenny
is a busy Badger who has many strings to her bow. Apart from being a sporty Badger,
playing hockey & cricket, she is a qualified chef and hotel manager and can juggle
eggs whilst riding a unicycle.
Barry Lydd covers Dorset and the Isle of Wight. Badger
Bazza ran a successful fish restaurant on the south coast for 16 years but retired
when he realised Badgers don't actually like fish. He is now waiting for a place in the
local Badgers Home where he is expecting to get free PG tips for the rest of his life.
Badger Bazza has visited the Dell, home to Southampton, although he's much happier
burrowing in bunkers on golf courses.
Steve Powell covers Surrey and Kent. Badger Steve
spends many hours working on his physique. He constantly explores the hard shoulder of
many motorways and is particularly fond of the grubs he finds on the M40. He used to sell
vacuum cleaners to voles and fieldmice but moved further south where it was a little
otter. Badger Steve is a Manchester United fan which is why he covers Surrey and Kent. He
owns a piece of Old Trafford turf and employs a team of specialist Ants to look after it.
covers Cornwall. Badger Andrew,
known by the Grand Master Badgers as 'Zippy Badger' is an artist in both
senses of the word. He is the only Badger who has ever lived in a brewery
so he knows exactly what goes on at night when the weevils play 'hide the
penny' in the Mash Tun. Badger Andrew supports Aston Vanilla - the team
that everybody licks although he now spends his time building oak boats
which he hopes to sail around the world or at least up Restronguet Creek
to Feock, so he has to watch Truro City now.
Fat Badger Kathy Mitchell covers London. Badger Kathy is a foreign
Badger. She was born to a litter of 23 in New Zealand where Badgers can have up to 38
offspring. They have 5 legs and communicate by the power of thought. Badger Kathy
(pronounced Kate in New Zealand) is a qualified hotel manager and has run numerous
successful companies. She doesn't understand the offside rules of football but doesn't
care because she is much happier watching the All Blacks play rugby.
Cath Healy covers Berkshire, Hampshire and Sussex.
Badger Cathy is a marketing Badger, she helped to set up the South African Lottery with
help from a hummingbird from Capetown. She has attended F.A. Cup finals and supports
whichever team has the most comfortable shirts and the nicest bottoms. She
is qualified to handle an ocean going dinghy although she does read the
charts upside down.
Fat Badger Andy Bates covers Buckinghamshire, Hertfordshire and
Essex. Badger Buttle was born in Essex and is our Steak expert. He has tasted every
possible recipe known to Badger including raw. He has recently taken to trying lettuce -
also raw but prefers it with an au poivre sauce. Badger Buttle is an Ipswich Town fan and
still wears the shirt and scarf he wore for their F.A. Cup win in 1978 although the scarf
is a little tatty now from blowing in the wind when he has the top down on his MGF.
The Fat Badgers Guide to Quality Inns unlike
some other Internet pub guides, are NOT run by a fifteen year old from a bedroom. The Fat
Badgers travel the UK and take all our own photographs unless a publican has asked us to
use theirs. We do not violate the copyright of others and we get very upset when other
guides steal our photos.
Please take note Ian - we are watching you ! and we know where you live - and our dad is
bigger than your dad... (Update..Ian's site has gone belly up - ha ha - presumably he
stole somebody else's photos who have been round to sort him out !)
For information on Meles Meles - the
European (Slim) Badger click the Glass