The French

Back to Previous PageSomeone once said to me that French women are very sexy until they get married, "What's the difference between a married French woman and a Warthog ?  -  About 2 stone and a black dress." That's why French are always kissing each other rather than their wives. In my experience, it's the blokes rather than the women who give the French a bad name. Arrogant gits they are and they've got nothing to be arrogant about. They think they're wonderful and hate everyone else, which is only fair as everyone else hates them. I was once in a French Bar and spent about 200 quid on food & drink and then the very next day while waiting for the wife to buy a postcard from the shop next door, got told by the owner, who'd been serving me all of the previous night that I couldn't sit on his seats outside if I wasn't buying a drink - I wouldn't have minded so much but he hadn't got any other bloody customers.

As for the French bloody farmers, they can't get by on the massive subsidies they get from Europe, so they take it out on our bloody sheep.

The only reason they hate us so much is because of the Battle of Agincourt in 1415. Henry V had only 5,700 troops when the French had 25,000. Because our soldiers were so much better than theirs, we suffered 1,600 casualties while they lost 6,000. The few English soldiers that were captured had their two fingers chopped off so they couldn't fire a longbow again - so the English who still had their fingers showed both of them to the French as a friendly gesture. It didn't help matters that because Henry had won he nicked the French princess Catherine of Valois as his wife - oh yes and France as well. They didn't do too well at the Battle of Waterloo either, in fact both Wellington and Nelson gave Napoleon a bit of a beating - get over it I say, it was a long time ago. Perhaps it's a bit unfair that when they come to England through the Chunnel, they arrive at Waterloo Station - It's just a little joke, they don't need to get snotty about it.

They can't drive either, I went to Paris once - not a single car without a dent in. The only part of a car that has to pass a French MOT test is the Horn.